i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
