I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
