Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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