if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
