do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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