my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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