i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Say something about gay babies.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize