well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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