Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
