Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
