JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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