What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize