then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This house was built for laser tag.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize