And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
