my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
