party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
