I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
