I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
