I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
