If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize