guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
