Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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