So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
