I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
