I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
