u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
