I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I forget how to act sober
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
