i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
