so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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