so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
