I puked a lego.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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