yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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