he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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