I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize