nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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