Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
