This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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