you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
