i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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