You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
