never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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