even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
