i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
