oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
