she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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