my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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