glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
