Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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