we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
