Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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