I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
