What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
