I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
