question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
