So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
