i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
