i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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