Jerry, you need to find god
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
