omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
nutella sex= disaster
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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