Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is Oprah even human
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
