I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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