Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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