i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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