Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
